Bird Watcher's General Store

It's tradition here to keep a sign hung outside the door expressing a joke or sentiment on current issues. People drive or stop by just to read it. See if you can tell what was going on at the time.


Due to the Coronavirus
We have cancelled our used tissue sale.


Past Signs:

Come in, meet our new Employee, ask for Prince Harry

Notice: Please wipe your feet. We do not want any dirt..even if it is about Joe Biden.

Christmas Special. Free prize for anyone who looks like Rudolph, Santa, or Baby Yoda.

Today's Special. Free Squirrel Secrets Direct From Ukraine.

Woodstock Anniversary Special. Free prize for anyone named Janis, Jimi or Wavy Gravy.

Free Tornado Insurance is No Longer Included on Our Bird Feeders. Sorry

We Welcome All: Races, Religions, Genders, but no cats. They Know Why

Today's Special. Spend over $100 and you will automatically be admitted to Yale>

St.Patrick's Day Special. Free Prize For Anyone Named: Kelly or O'Kelly but not R. Kelly.

Notice: Due to the government shut down we are prohibited from answering squirrel questions until further notice.

Come on in. It's safe to enter. We aren't playing Christmas music.

Notice: For your safety we do not allow guns, knives or Romaine lettuce.

Notice: To Keep Things Civil Please Do Not Mention Politics, Religion or Squirrels.

In Honor of Burt Reynolds There Will Be No Banjo Music Today

Heat Wave Special. Come in for a Free Icy Stare. While They Last.

Correction. We meant some of our feeders "wouldn't" not "would" keep off the squirrels.

Notice: Due to the new tax bill bird seed is now 100% deductable*. *Only if used on your private jet.

Identify this holiday item and win a prize.

Fall Special. Try our new pumpkin spice thistle seed. *While it lasts.

There is now a 10% surcharge for anyone named Harvey, Irma or Jose. Maria cannot come in at all.

Post Labor Day Special: Free Left Turn

Due to the coming solar exlipse, we are not allowed to look anyone directly in the eye.

Come in and meet our new employee: Ask for the Mooch

Notice: We promise to greet every customer with a smile.* *Starting tomorrow. We are too tired Today.

In here only birds are allowed to tweet.

Now Accepting Summer Applications for all former FBI Directors

Smile. Microwave in Use.

Notice: All Bird Seed Now Available Gluten Free

Notice: Due to the change in the mariguana law, we are now required to call everyone dude.

Our New Years Resolution, To Be Extra Nice and Super Helpful.* *Just Kidding

Election Special. Free Valium While They Last.

Note Galaxy 7 Users: Inconvenience charge will be added to anyone who's phone explodes in the store.

Notice. There is now a 20% inconvenience charge for anyone named Hermine.

Olympic Gymnastic Results. USA 46 Gold, Britain 27 Gold, China 26 Gold, Squirrels 1,000,000 Gold.

Today's Special. Free bandaid for anyone who has been hit by a train playing Pokemon Go

Due to Brexit, We No Longer Sell Bird Seed for English Sparrows

Allergy Season Special. Free Tissue. While They Last

Come in. No Birth Certificate Required.

Todays Special. Free Rabies Short for anyone with March Madness

Notice: We support building walls, but only to keep out squirrels.

Notice. The ground hog saw its shadow. That means we won't have to hear about Iowa for four more years.

Keep your eyes to the skies. RIP Vern.

Safety Warning. Due to recent shark attacks, no one will be allowed inside who smells like a seal.

Todays Special. Free Minnesota Dentist Voodoo Dolls with Extra Pins. While They Last.

Identify this creature. Choose a. Squirrel b. Raccoon c. Donald Trump's Hair

Notice. Frigid Weather Special. 10% Off All Penguin Feeders. While They Last

We Support Freedom of Expression. Come in and talk about anything you want. Except Cats.

Sorry, No Sign Today. It was hacked by North Korea

Christmas Specil. Free Prize for Anyone Named: Noel, Rudolph, or Eggnog

Notice. All Shoplifters Will Be Arrested and Taken to Buffalo.

Notice. For our safety please do not enter if you have a fever unless you are really hot. Then come on in.

Notice: For Your Safety We Do Not Allow Guns, Knives, or Members of the NFL.

We Now Sell Gluten Free Bird Seed. But That's the Only Thing Here that is Free.

Today's Special. Free Prize for anyone who can imitate the call of a mute swan.

World Cup Special..Free prize for anyone who can yell Goooooooal!

April Special. Free prize for anyone who says Happy Easter with a Boston Accent.

Forget Basketball. The real March madness is the damn weather.

Daylight Savings Special. Free prize for anyone who can tell us what time it it.

Are You Seeing Fewer Birds? They are probably stuck in traffic at the George Washington Bridge.

Today's Special. Buy a bird feeder and win a free credit card from Target.

Our Three Most Popular Nuts. Peanuts, Walnuts, the Mayor of Toronto

World Series Special. Free prize for anyone wearing red socks.

Notice: Due to the shut down, we are only allowed to listen to one squirrel complaint per customer.

Notice: Due to the shut down, we are only allowed to listen to one squirrel complaint per customer.

Notice: To keep things fair, we are conducting random steroid tests. Please take a cup before entering.

Our Top Selling Bird Seed. 1. The Usual 2. The stuff I got last time. 3. The seed my wife buys. 4. The seed that only attracts good birds.

Today's Special. Free Prize for Anyone who can impersonate Anthony Weinger.

Did you forget what kind of bird seed you use? Don't worry, the government already told us.

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