Dear Bird Folks,

This is a weird question, but my husband and I are having an argument. He says the white bird in the “AFLAC” Insurance television commercial is a duck and I say it’s a goose. Who is right?

Linda, Eastham

It’s OK Linda

We live for weird questions, so don’t worry about that. However, I do think you and your hubby are having a little too much TV time. Since your marriage is riding on my answer, I decided to personally contact AFLAC to find out for sure. It turns out that it’s not a duck or a goose, but a raccoon wearing lots of makeup. Ever since they made such a mess while filming that Alfred Hitchcock movie, birds have been banned from joining the Screen Actor’s Guild. So AFLAC decided to offer the role to a young struggling raccoon just out of Julliard. Wow, talk about uncovering a Hollywood secret.

It’s a duck, Linda, a white domestic duck. The same kind of duck that barbaric people, like my wife, eat. A domestic goose would be about three times bigger and a lot crabbier. Sorry I couldn’t back you up, kid, but your husband was right this time. But you knew he was bound to get something right eventually.